Since a very young age I have been obsessed with being the best. I have been very driven and ambitious this was fuelled by family and school and society in general. This drive to be the best lead me to achieve many things, however, came at a cost. My mind was so occupied with beating the competition and coming up with the next best idea that I spent no time being in the present or in a state of calm.
A number of different events led me to the realisation that this wasn't healthy and that to fully enjoy life I needed help. So I did the bravest thing I have ever done and went to get Psychotherapy.
Alongside my therapist I went through my life so far, discussed my negative behaviour patterns and began to realise where they may have stemmed from. My inability to engage with the present moment was due to the fact that my mind was a rippling ocean of ideas, thoughts and feelings that had not been addressed and had been pushed aside. These are known as suppressed emotions.
Emotions are something that everyone feels, yet often we are told not to feel them and fear displaying them in case we are seen as weak, so we hide them. This is prevalent in all sexes, however, it seems most common amongst males.
I have now begun to form a new habit which is called feeling. Instead of putting emotions aside I have begun to let them ride over me like a wave. I truly engage with the emotion whether this is sadness, anxiety or frustration. By doing this I do not suppress it, I ride it and experience it. This way I can truly understand it and not slip into chimp mode.
After experiencing the emotion I am then mindful. I look at what may have caused that emotion in the first place and can then take action to prevent it happening in the future.
So far the actions have been….
-removing toxic relationships
-setting achievable goals
-walking amongst nature
-organising my time efficiently
-not pushing myself to the limit each time I train by actually listening to my body
-self love through baths, positive thoughts and positive people
I am in no way perfect, and never will be. But I now have the power of choice. I am no longer a victim to my past and am armed with the tools of knowledge, compassion and self love to take me forwards into a more positive future. I still go to weekly therapy sessions and will continue doing so for as long as I can, it is something we can all benefit from.
Be True, Be Kind, Be Happy.